i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
I owe her a pancake or a second hand orgasm
i had to take off my light up shamrock necklaces, my professor was getting suspicious.
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Watched him slip somethin into her drink. Dragged him of his bar stool, punched him out, and told her what i saw. Bartender used some chemical to confirm presence of rophynol. Just woke up at her place
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
You're just gonna have to make the sacrifice man.
I'm trying to hide in the table.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
Sending out old nude selfies with the message "#tbt"
She thinks you guys are the gods of the bathroom. If she runs past you naked, give me a heads up
Did I seriously answer the door for a home delivery of weed from you and your boss while wearing last night's 80s rockstar face paint?
you were grinding on the cop whispering for him to lend you his tazer.
Randomize
