Apparently shes in the bathroom puking but eating a pot roast she found in the fridge at the same time.
i was calling myself "cat the lion" and tried eating the computer mouse because i thought it was "my prey"
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
There is a large, jolly black gentleman in the parking lot of my appartment complex yelling about 5am jelly doughnuts. I want to be where he's at.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
She tied her key to her bra the night before and couldn't get it off while trying to open the door this morning so she just took her bra off and let it tangle from the key while unlocking the door...the old Indian couple next door were shocked.
Dude you filled up a protein shake mixer with White Russians so you didn't have to keep coming upstairs.
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
Beer bong just needs to be rebedazzled but it's gonna make it
Your final is gonna be as easy for you as getting into straight girls' pants is for me.
Only great wives bring your dope to you when you are at the Cardiologist
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
Why didn't we pregame for this?
Because it's breakfast!?!
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
