I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
IF CHARLIE SCHEEN CAN DO IT I CAN DO IT IM A PROFESSONAL
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
I think it's gonna be hard to find a guy that won't take my consistent drinking as alcoholism
I got my dick out in a gay bar for just one free shot. I didn't know I could be bought so cheap
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
quit whining, rub some dirt on it, and lets get out there
its my penis
I called him Oliver all night
His name is Brandon
Dude... Those don't even start with the same letter...
I just had to ask my drug dealer to "keep it simple for me". Is this a new low?
We've done worse things
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
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