my little brother got his license today.. too early to ask him to DD?
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
i don't care if its just a preseason game, my pick up a guy and suck him off in the bathroom skills are in midseason form
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
You have my approval. I will dance and throw skittles at your funeral.
There should be an app that tazers me in my pocket when I'm spending too much money at the bar. Take a hint, Android Network. You slut.
And if you ever tell anyone that I have emotions ill kill you
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I appreciate your acceptance of my lack of morals
In the words of my step grandma "whatever makes your pussy happy"
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
You're a wizard. You are a master of disguise. You are beautiful. I love you.
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