you were grabbing cocks left and right
you literally grabbed sam's dick and said, "who's cock is this?!"
you had a panic attack, pissed yourself, and started crying. you never go above the kiddie level of my lil bros schools haunted house ever again.
round 2?
EVER.
A university police officer just hhigh fived me when i drunkenly stumbled into Aderhold. Fucking 5 o'clock somewhere.ITS IN CASABLANCA RIGHT NOW! TIME ZONES!
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
My gynecologist just commented on how well my vagina was waxed
It's official, my little sister has hooked up with more girls than I have.
The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
Is it bad that I want a job purely so I can buy drugs with without feeling like I am sacrificing my future?
Why do you think I have a job?
Your ability to whip out your dick and take a pic anytime I text you is startling.
We need some Captain and Fanta. That shit will change your life. Sidenote, bring an IV drip to hook me to in the morning
Fuck this. I'm adopting 12 cats and naming them after the 12 disciples. Maybe Jesus will have sympathy for me then.
Randomize
