he showed up at my house with a hand-stiched sweater that said "girlfriend?"
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
I haven't been this hungover since you found me laying in front of your door gagging with pepto bismal tablets scattered around me
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
boobs and vodka. thats all i can remember, finals week needs to stop ending like this..
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Bren left me with a lovely parting gift. Newfouund alcoholism. I'm on the kitchen floor, hugging a bottle of vodka. It's my only friend now.
Went to an open-bar law school party and puked in front of Justice Scalia. My legal career is now complete -- I literally got judged by a U.S. Supreme Court Justice. Can't get any higher than that.
I just want to be covered in whipped cream and spanked, is that too much to ask?
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
She shows up drunk at 3am for sex and then punches me straight in the eye in the middle of it because "you're too nice."
Which one of you fucks put a bounty out on my brother's virginity?
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
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