note to self..putting cheap vodka in a bottle of grey goose does not make it taste better
I don't remember her name, all I remember is trying to suck the wedding ring off her finger.
I forgot to tell you the best part. The folded up paper he wrote his number on opened up to be a picture of him when he was younger wearing a Columbia tshirt in front of NASA and in pen said his name and "space consultant."
I was mid-pee and he walked in, claimed he was looking for his phone, and then asked if we could hook up since we were finally alone.
so yall hooked up?
Did Kevin really put his bar tab under the name Hercules last night?
They're calling for 20 inches of snow but I'll have a dirtbike for emergency trips to the liquor store. Even if I crash it won't hurt.
If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"
It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"
I fingered myself to realization that I don't need birth control if there is never a guy.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm not even pretending to study anymore. I'm straight up sleeping in the library
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
Em I need to know if his cum tastes like vodka. Report back.
I mean I did fuck her boyfriend, the least I could do is post happy birthday on her Facebook wall.
Sooo, my mother is snoring, my ex is sexting me, the guy I'm having an affair with is sending me dick pics, and all I want to do is sleep!
I know you would never do it--but if I ever walk into your house and find a "live love laugh" ANYTHING, I will commit you to an asylum. If it is a vinyl decal adhered to the wall, I will just smother you myself.
Randomize
