I just rubbed my dick on something in your apartment. Can you guess what?
the only plus side is that now I'll be able to tell my son not to trust the condoms that his college gives away..........
can you explain how you are here for one night and now my kitchen table is in 11 pieces..
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
I'm naked and wearing a cowbell.i love med school.
You were captain morganning on the laundry hamper and when I walked in you slingshotted a thong at me and started peeing. This all came back to me when I picked up some jeans to wear and they smelled like piss.
WHY did you say no to the sex seance?
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
he sent me the greatest dick pic I've ever received.
he actually took the time to cut a fingertip off of a glove then put it on his dick like a beanie. he called it hipster dick.
Please tell me how the stripper got back to Sarah's from the trailer park
Did I tell you about my dream that I got handed a $100 and my vagina dissolved it? I think it wants me to not be a whore anymore.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
you'll kiss me after i give you a blowjob but you wont kiss me after I eat apple sauce? am I the only one who sees something wrong with this?
Randomize
