Dude i fell asleep inside of her
thats awesome
whoever gets the blood i just donated is getting a shit ton of free thc
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
you yelled "you will never make love to jesus" and then ran into the tv.
you should break up with her....give her the gift of reality
I've been very busy/drunk lately... Sorry.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
He told me to prepare for his "Jurassic cock" and I had to leave the room from laughing.
I woke to him laying in the floor puking in a shoe. So I guess we had a good night.
Apparently I took a selfie with fried chicken at 2 am....I'm still trying to figure out where I got the chicken. I thought I was making mac & cheese.
She ordered an O'douls. That was the end of that date
Thank you for helping a fellow gay friend today. You are sublime and deserve free tickets to the Ellen show
Here's a tip: do NOT chant "MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS. MATTHEWS." during sex because the Packers won against the Giants.
Randomize