i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
Sry I left before you woke up. The house was really fucked up and I didn't feel like helping you clean. PS Somebody threw up on your dog
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
I have more bruises, scratches, and overall soreness from my birthday weekend than my car accident.
Um of course I blew him. He brought me a shamrock shake. It was two o’clock in the morning on St. Patrick’s Day. There was no smoother move basically. He totally earned that head.
I just set a bowl of cap n crunch on fire. That high.
I just used my AAA membership to fix a strippers flat tire in return for a lapdance...does that make me a bad person?
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Well I was going to go home but vodka happened.
No like he has curves. I remember thinking he had a nicer body than me
You should've seen the look on the guys face when I demanded pho and a beer the second they opened. Obviously he doesn't understand hangovers
When i was leaving for work this morning, i realized the neighbor was passed out drunk, with no pants, and a half eaten whopper on my lawn. Knowing that hey..we have all been there before.. i decided to give him a pillow and a blanket rather than wake him up.
Let's be real, he was never going to be tall enough
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