oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
took shots out of a medicine cup. i can get used to college.
I woke up to 30 angry texts and her Chihuahua in my room. Can you drop him off for me?
aw he's cute...not in a i wanna rip his clothes off way more of a put him in my pocket and keep him as a pet
And occasionally lick whipped cream off them abs
Exactly.
The swelling on my elbow and tongue means I may have cockblocked myself.
We talked him into tasing himself.
I'm getting to the point of going up to a guy and saying "Hi I'm maggie and i can put my foot behind my head"... That desperate.
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
and ive been naked for the greater part of the evening. alone, drunk, and naked. i think that is how all great interventions start.
He tried to make small talk to hide the fact that he was struggling to unhook my bra... at least he tried right?
You texted me the words "butt stuff" 53 times in a four hour period last night.
Dude, fuck these noisy kids, fuck all this light, and fuck you for getting to sleep while I have to be productive and hungover.
One can only be this extremely wet once a year and I feel like I'm bitch slapping god by not using this gift he has bestowed on me.
Randomize
