the guy in front of me just bought a pound of bacon, a bouquet, and a case of budlight, i want to see THAT makeup sex
You should swallow it and be like the ticking crocodile. Only you play Still of the Night.
I sent him a picture of my touching myself. He responded back "Your nails look really nice"
u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
My coke dealer called me at midnight just to ask how to spell a word. Not sure how I should feel about that.
I keep telling myself last night was not real, not real, not real. Then I remember I can't move. This hangover is too fucking real.
Would you have sex with a guy wearing a Batman mask?
It's all hypothetical, I don't have a Batman mask... yet...
You took my underwater blowjob virginity.
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
We're Scorpios. We're like dogs rolling in whatever smells good to us.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
School supplies are right next to the margarita mix at target. Its a sign
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
I don't know what kind of bucket list you have, but having sex with a tree isn't on mine...
Randomize
