What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
My crowning drunk achievement from that night was donating $5 to the Obama campaign.
You're perfect
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
i made the walk of shame wearing her booty shorts that said juicy on the back. i'm still counting it as a good night
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I only get hit on by people going through their midlife crisis. Yes, I did purposely write that gender neutral.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
What's the best day of the week to potentially find out you're pregnant with your ex's baby?
Alright I'd bang a 4 sober, It's been like 3-4 weeks or how ever long 4th of July was ago. I wanna fuck something.
4th of July was 12 days ago. The date is literally in the text you just sent.
I don't care about the dates I just wanna bone something.
I parked in the SAE Fraternity lot and left a note that said if you don't tow me you will all get a blowjob.
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