she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
She is only going home with him in hopes to give him herpes. She has been plotting some master revenge since 7th grade.
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
I found out what happened to that girls weave last night. It was draped over a bush in my backyard.
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
This tequila is so bad I might cry. I won't Throw up but I might cry
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
