Last night this chick queefed when I was going down on her. Thinking if you! xo
I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
Dudeeeee, i ordered strippers for my party.
I ordered a moonbounce.
Fuck, you win.
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
I don't like finding out that my fuck buddy is a good person.
Just had to find a way to explain to the border patrol that we were coming into canada "for about a half hour to have one last under 21 drink before kendals birthday at midnight." He said ok and told us where the closest bar was. Nice man.
Nurse helped me count all my sexual partners and still gave me her phone number. She shall be #73.
Just got that "I know what's going on with your vagina" look from that CVS cashier.
You bought MORE?!
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
I'm having an emotional breakdown watching baby sloths on YouTube you need to come save me from myself.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
I DESERVE A BEADED TATTOOED MAN I'VE WANTED ONE FOR SO LONG
BEARDED TATTOOED MEN ARE PEOPLE AND NOT THINGS TO BE GIVEN FREELY
I hate being on my period . Did you know that by the time I'm 30 I would've wasted 1,176 days of my life I could've had sex but couldn't bc I was on my period.
Randomize
