Do you ever make guys send you dick pictures just cause it's hilarious?
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Either you made a spaghetti vodka smoothie last night, or you puked in the blender.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
That one dude should feel honored if he were to get herpes from you. Fuck that Guy. He is a herpe.
I don't give a shit if she's homeless, if you're gunna live outside el pollo loco and act like a bitch I'm squirting you with my water bottle
I JUST HAD A FLASH MEMORY OF DOING A SHOT OF WHISKEY WITH MY BEER YOU WERE SUPPOSED TO PUNCH ME IN THE FACE TO PREVENT THAT FROM HAPPENING.
That's always how I imagine things at your apartment...
Good, I'm glad you don't have some weird, skewed, clothed version of reality over here.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
She dumped me and then asked if I wanted to come to her improv show. Fuck theatre majors, man.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I've never seen so much of my blood outside me. After the initial shock it was kind of cool.
Yeaaaaa...im super disgusted with myself lol...which is interesting, considering all of the things I have done in my life...
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