Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
I hit her tiny dog with a horseshoe an hour ago. Her and her mom cried as it laid on the ground shaking. Im drunk.
Well someone named our apartment "the eiffel tower" on facebook check-in so I think they know..
let's just skip the pleasantries and go back to my place for pizza and casual sex
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
Well u missed Autumn's newly 21 yrs old sister flashing her tits and standing on the bar last night.
If my mom walks in on me masturbating one more time I'm moving out
You'd think the first few times would have been enough
I moved out... There's nothing left but his childhood trophies...
You should make him a new one, you know like "you suck at relationships but thanks for trying participation award"
how is it that I keep meeting up with you when Im drunk?
you stand on my porch screaming my name until I come out with you...
Her mom came in and passed out drunk on the floor next to us while she was riding me, "it's all good, she does this all the time" is what she said
Sorry for throwing up in your humidifier last night, I thought it was some sort of electrical garbage can
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
he called her and asked for me. he wants to do dinner and a movie
her booty call wants to take you to dinner?
I remember is someone saying "I smell weed" and then having a room full of sober high school kids look at me.
Randomize
