i just checked to make sure valentines day this year was on a weekend assuming ill want to be drunk all day
hearing about your life makes me feel so good about mine
dude I heard her through my door. She sounded like you were holding her head under water and they letting her up for air. I recorded that shit
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
Public service announcement: if you would like to continue receiving blow jobs, a 25% increase in fuck-giving will be expected immediately, and you're expected to give an actual flying fuck at least once a week. Brought to you by the ad council.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
Might be time to reevaluate my life. Banned from red roofs inns. Apparently I puked in ice machine. 3 hotels in a year.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
Like I just wanted some midlife crisis fun, not drama as big as his dick.
Crazy homeless man drinking beer out of a vitamin water container on the bus just set me up on a date with the yuppie next to him
Randomize
