Just bored and untired. I want to be in Austin. At college. Drinking someone elses alcohol. Am I asking too much of life?
considering i was high when my dad made me pee in the cup i might fail this one
The guy in the library beside me just whipped out an entire loaf of bread, a knife and a container of peanut butter and is proceeding to make multiple sandwiches.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Ya know, since we do have alot of sex with each other i figure i should wish you a happy valentines day
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
At one point he was so drunk he was carrying around a bottle of patron drinking out of it and falling everywhere and every time he spilled it he would scream "THERE GOES TWENTY DOLLARS."
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Getting dressed and listening to the song Buffalo Bill danced to in Silence of the Lambs. I'm a perfect psych major.
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
I think I sold my soul to a dominatrix last night.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
I'm fairly sure I accidentally saw my dad naked last night
This is going to be so stupid, but do you feel the calluses on my hands when I give you a handy?
Randomize
