Dude, I found out the hard way that she wipes back to front. I ate her out and had to throw up.
Adam has been drinking
Who has his phone
Adam does
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Not too sure about the toy story pull ups. The kids point to their crotch all day and say woody.
I'm eating dry tortillas on a mattress without a sheet. and i thought my life would change after graduation.
I figured, if I'm going to wear a gold cape its pretty safe to assume I'll be blacking out as well.
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
I'm jealous that you can use my boobs as pillows & I can't.
You yelled This cop is arresting me for possession! Possession of MARIJUANA!!", everyone cheered, and you let him handcuff you and take you away.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Now that you have a boyfriend, can I have my vibrator back?
Broken leg sex is fun because I just get to lay there
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
Randomize
