when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
well after we realized that his best friend and my twin sister were hooking up it was kind of an unsopken agreement that we would too
I just found out I was conceived in a rehab facility... that's better than finding out your dad could be someone else right?
I don't care what you say, cheap wine does NOT taste better in expensive crystal...
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
Also, they sell weed-chocolate covered strawberries. For the romantic stoner.
That was one of the best texts I got today
It was like the devil him self busted his red hot satanic nuts all over my face and burned my eyes out of my innocent sockets.
He called me twice and texted me at 3am. Guess absence makes the dick grow harder.
Also, totally got laid in my yellow rubber boots and it was awesome.
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I may or may not have tried to give myself a lobotomy
Help I accidentally unlocked this guy's tragic backstory and I need a rewind button!
Randomize
