I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Can one do a walk of shame from one's own hotel? Considering I just barfed in a planter down town in from of a bunch of business men in suits on my way to a work breakfast on a Wednesday morning, I am gonna just go with yes.
Tim hortons said i dont meet their criteria. What the fuck criteria is that? You put bagels in an oven.
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
We have a drunken confused pantless man in our apt. Boots.
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Do you think kicking my coke habit is a good personal goal to put down on the evaluation form?
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
You have cats and a ten year IUD. Embrace it.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
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