I just left during the middle of Chemistry to go throw up in the bathroom....and you laughed at my travel toothbrush.
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
It happened again. Now theres even more baby powder and its all over the place, I'm not cleaning that house.
Also, I don't remember opening my gifts from my family. It was cool when I woke up with a new ihome.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Does buying my brother condoms for Christmas say "keep having sex with her, I like her" or "dear god, do not get this girl pregnant"?
You lifted he top layer off his birthday cake and made it say 'eat me' in the cookie monster voice so yeah he knew.
The amount of effort it's taking me to not shit my pants this morning is probably a sign to slow down the drinking
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Sexting gets boring after a while. I'm eating a sandwich right now and googling 'sexting ideas' and just copy/pasting lines.
It's a good sandwich though.
Did u find my other sock in your bra? U said u were uneven so I did the gentlemanly thing.
Randomize
