So drunk its hurt
We saw some woman wearing leather pants. It was weird. We have decided to follow her on her travels to see where people go in leather pants in Michigan.
the only bad part about drinking alone is that in the morning there's nobody who can tell you what you did
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
I'm just pissed at the whore who takes over my body when I'm blacked out.
I just found out my college boyfriend's nickname is actually a Dutch word for little cucumber.....it all makes sense now.
If I die young bury me in satin. And make sure there's a taco bar at my funeral.
COME HERE WE MELTED A CORONA BOTTLE WITH FIREWORKS
I lost all of my bathing suit tops.. This is both a success and a failure
Aaand now my client contact has seen your boobs.
Need to find a Santa hat to fit my penis, he deserves to be festive too.
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Randomize
