U know its gonna be a great day when the guy at the liquor store waves at u cause u walked by
I showed my boss the "She Wolf" video. He sent it to all his friends and told me to make us martinis...thanks Shakira and keep it up
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
I can't believe they didnt cut us off after we all hugged each other and started singing "were the 3 best friends that anybody could have" RIGHT IN FRONT of the bar and bartender...
U should just post that picture of u two on facebook with the caption, does anyone know this girl? If so please tell her to take plan b, thanks
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
Probably
I woke up on a navy base in a different time zone. I'm never leaving tallahassee again.
You're an idiot. I have LIVED as a cautionary tale of what happens when you drink too much and stick your dick in crazy, HAVE YOU LEARNED NOTHING?
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
I did my patriotic duty. I woke up next to a veteran this morning.
Literally, and I mean LITERALLY as in "not to be confused with a casual hyperbole", LITERALLY the day we broke up she slept with 3 different guys that night.
1) It's nice to see that the whole "English Major" thing is upping the quality of your rants 2) Have you considered that your dick was the cork holding her sluttiness in?
He's such a neat freak that he started making the bed while I was still laying on it naked. He succeed in case you were wondering.
Okay, yeah, judgmental guy at 7/11. I'm buying g wine at 10:20 in the morning. You wanna fight about it?
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