At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
we're chasing vodka with high fives
dude relax anyone of us could have gotten that girl pregnant
Can you explain to me why I woke up with my hands tied to the hotel bed with the phone cord???
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
Dude you spent 20 minutes on the phone with dominos answering machine trying to order a pizza
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Im part way to drunk.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
You should have just fucked me in the bathroom when you had a chance!
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
my night went from a boring school play to hotboxing a car with 3 criminals
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
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