I reminded them that I didn't puke and I cleaned yours up! So huh!
Yeah I'm pretty much like lane on gilmore girls except my mom doesn't look so mean all the time.
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
Vibrator and massage oils got stopped at security. Super.
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
Well my door is unlocked for you, I'll be in the bathtub drinking a pre-mixed bottle of margarita until I forget the degree to which my life sucks.
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You just can't come from being "the girl who shit her pants."
can we just punch him in the dick and call it a victory for feminism
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
And I had on a penis ring on the whole time at dinner. And I ate veal...
What is it about fresh air and wanting to talk about penises
You ate my ass why wouldn't I remember you
I just got a text from a stranger offering to shave my asshole. I've been sober and out of town for a week, are you using my number as a dial-a-dumping again?
LACE UP YOUR GODDAMN SHOES
N O
Randomize
