i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
You just kept mumbling, "Shit shit shit, the muffin man owes me money." Repeatedly.
I can't remember if the bartender cut you off after you broke your glass or after you wished the bar a happy winter solstice during your karaoke number.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
hey give me heads up if you're feeling vulnerable tomorrow night
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
I'm looking for mother nature. And when I find her, I'm looking her right in the eyes and telling her to fuck off.
things were going awesome until jimmy put out a cigarette in the everclear.
The paramedics said she just kept whispering "I just wanted to party"
I think we might have a drinking problem when the ASU kids called us crazy
No one made them take a shot with us at the 12 hour mark. That's their bad
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
I don't think I used nearly enough fucks in my reply to convey the level of fuck him.
All I'm wearing right now is a condom and a sock.
Just one?
Yup. One sock.
why did you kick open the doors at church screaming whos ready to party?
Randomize
