Oh My! A car just drove by me a splashed me with a wave of water. I am drenched and soaking wet!
I am sorry--all I heard is that you are wet.
The pink midgets playing hockey is the EXACT reason cold meds and alcohol do not mix. Period.
Okay you're seriously so fucking annoying its like having a baby
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
I'm so bored, I can only pretend that this truck is a spaceship for so long.
you kept making us tell you how cute you looked in your new outfit, even after you threw up all over it
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
I legitimately had a champagne shower last night at a rave. I was also carrying around two bananas in my pockets like guns. Drunk doesn't even. Begin to explain My night.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
Does this mean I don't have to apologize for launching about 20 bead necklaces at you from the balcony?
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
He woke up to me masturbating during the presidential address. Now he won't stop making jokes.
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
