What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
he's legally blind and likes the sound of my voice, good enough for me.
Yeah I tried to leave with 3 drinks and the bouncer wouldn't let me, I slammed all 3 right in front of him and football spiked them in the trash can
I think I'm going to postpone my photo shoot until my Gpa dies. I don't want to be in lingerie and stripper heels when I finally get the call
Wtf man. I knew she was bad news. No sane person cares if you eat their raviolli.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Just successfully invited my mom to a drag show. If that doesnt say "im gay" then idk what will.
how many ponies have to be on my pajama pants to convince him im gay?
i think we need a new approach.
This 35 year old just told me that he was headed to the dance floor and it was about to get real dangerous......was that an invite?
It could happen. I haven't creeped the rest of the guest list yet.
Just creeped. Everyone is a passable 7. Orgy is a go!
She had her pubic hair down there shaved into the superman s............. Best one night stand ever.
I shoulda been born a dude. There's too much power in a vagina.
Like Napoleon Dynamite?
Exactly like Napoleon Dynamite
But with bacon.
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
