I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
The cereal milk was almost black, the bacon was still frozen and the toast was soggy. And that was BEFORE I puked in her lap.
ALTON JUST DID GRAVY SHOTS. THIS IS WHY HE'S MY HERO
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
There was a community pot of Ramen, and if you were in the pool you were either fully clothes or ass naked.
Definitely just put my car on cruise control so I could stick my head out of the sunroof while driving to taco bell.
I did get to watch you pee, tho. That counts as another precious moment.
Woke up at noon, still drunk, naked, with another girl next to me. When she wakes up, I'm gonna have my SECOND lesbian experience with her. How's your 2015 going?
I am more than mildly offended he didn't screenshot the snapchat of my boobs.
I'm wine drunk & this is not good news for anybody
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
You told everyone to shut up then told the officer that you are 21 when you drink.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
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