can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Iced coffee. Banana. Two dumps. Life is good.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
Fine then. I'll just do all this coke on my own this weekend and die. It'll be strictly your fault.
I would like to apologize for my MANY attempts of trying to motor boat you.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
It might have taken me 30 minutes but I finally finished the toast I made. That hungover.
So the day after the 4th I'm sitting here drinking Molson and watching NHL free agent frenzy. From patriotic American to drunken Canadian in 24 hours flat. Booyah.
She wouldnt stop trying to stick her finger in my ass. I wish she wasnt so hot
My hot gay tattoo artist grew a beard and I'm not taking it well.
I'm sorry I threw a frog in your car last night.
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