Have fun fixing the bed from last night Bob Villa.
At least you didn't call me Brittany this time
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
woke up naked, gf gone. There is a cup of change in the fridge, a bird in the bathroom, and odie is drawn on my ceiling. I live in a non sequitur
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Playing the biology drinking game in my 8am. Drink everytime he says species or organism. I love st. Patricks day
all they had in the fridge was rum and filled water balloons
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
We asked an illegal alien to buy us beer. He didn't even want a tip. I'm going to Washington to plead that case.
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
i just remember pinky promising you guys to take care of him.
my professor saw me buying beer for the super bowl and said go patriots. thats how i know im getting an A in his class.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
I shall welcome him into my body with an open liver and completely lay down all chance of resistance. Sweet Zeus, please take me to Mt. Olympus and share all that is divine. I promise, the secrets will be safe with me
I was cracking open beer cans, throwing them off the roof, and yelling "FRAG OUT!"
Randomize
