My aunt just said- "pizza is like sex. Even if it ain't good it ain't bad." Obviously she doesn't know us too well.
When I'm drunk i like to pretend my penis is zeus and instead of peeing i'm throwing lightning bolts into the toilet...it helps me focus.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
God she is annoying. I am only keeping her around on fb because I want to see if her baby comes out looking like an alien or not.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
The air was thick with penises
I think my hookup is starting to fall for me. Time to break his heart.
Just got a message from a drag queen on okcupid. I cant even catfish successfully.
Of course it may just be the context. A dish of dog food would look lovely next to your breasts.
Funny how I'm trusting a magic 8 ball I found in the kids toy section to tell me about my sex life
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
I was on the verge of being completely over him and then he went and made his Instagram not private... ITS LIKE HE KNEW
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
You pee in parking lots....i drive home naked.....thats the american dream i was promised
Randomize
