Hey, It's Lauren. i wanted to talk to you tonight. I like you, as you know because kyle told you. I was wondering if you liked me too?
Are you in the third fucking grade? Check yes or no.
my mom heard me say 'don't squirt that at me' while me & him were in my room. She then decided to call my aunt and complain to her that she has the sluttiest daughter in town. she refused to believe me when i told her i was talking about gel.
I'm with your mom on this one.
I'm way too drunk on a Sunday to handle this level of Jesus.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
I've gone to the bathroom 3 times. And forgot to pee. 3 times. Let's say we call it a night, I need to be found. I see a fish tank by the bar and some stairs.
He talks to me in this sweet I know you might be pregnant voice.
They are currently going door-to-door asking the neighbors to donate money for Cheez-Its and gift wrap. They asked me to stay back at the house to make another pitcher of margaritas.
I can't believe that 100lb chick tackled me through a flight of stairs
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
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