Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
being a part time student has turned me into a full time alcoholic.
It's going to be nice going to the airport without drugs taped to my balls like last year.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
Don't worry. I has chaperone.
its barely noon and he already threw up and i have second degree burn
Found my shoes and purse. They're all strapped together in my neighbor's tree. Need to borrow your ladder. Thanks in advance
I really hope jumping jacks prevent pregancy because I'm kind of banking on it right now, do you know why there's a unicycle in the corner of my room?
Oh god our sink is a cavalcade of horrors. Brb sacrificing a goat and putting everything in the dishwasher forever
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
I went over to help her build a porch, but we decided that was too much work, so we just got high and watched Scooby Doo
My Midnight Kiss was a Big Mac.. Happy New Year
so you can go out and drink with me then fuck me, or you can come over when i get home and fuck me, or you can come over before and fuck me, or you can come over before and after and fuck me... so many fucking options
my Mom is now my Eskimo sister... she fucked my ex in my bed and took a selfie
then he said the sex was mediocre and that it was because of me. and that we could try again tomorrow.
it was 100% mediocre because of him, and we will 100% not be trying again tomorrow.
Randomize
