is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
She asked how far humans have gone into a volcano because they did in spy kids. She was serious.
the fact that you could barely do more than slur incoherent sentences didn't stop you from correcting her grammar
this cock blocking thing really has to end bro...its one thing to tell jen i live with my mom.. its another to cut the brakes on my car..
Oh and in case you were wondering it is not a good idea to eat weed brownies and then go out to the bar. When I got off the bar stool my high had just hit me and I felt like Bambi taking his first steps
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
YOU WORK IN THE US CAPITOL! YOU CANNOT HAVE SEX IN THE BATHROOM!!
Dude, you are totally ruining intern season for me...
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
What a way to start the day. Staring at penis for 3 hours
It's pretty much my favorite thing ever
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I've literally slept one hour I'm honestly just surprised you can insult me this early
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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