apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
i blame lastnights decisions on friday the 13th
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I just went to a chocolate syrup wrestling party I think you need to get on my level
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
Remind me to call McDonald's to give a good review of Ruth. She truly demonstrated grace under pressure.
I feel like a cloud. A cloud that wants to be laid.
THERE IS A GOAT THERE IS A GOAT IN MY BED IT IS EATING MY THONG WHAT DID YOU DO
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
When the cops pulled up I just stood flat against the fence with my hands up while yelling out,"I'm a tree!!"...
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
Now go get drunk with your fam and get back into ur christmas groove. No time for gonnorhea
Do u ever find yourself high af, watching American ninja warrior and crying at the athletes stories?
Maybe if I ever do become a counselor, I would just implement a kind of intensive meme therapy.
Randomize
