I just cut my nipple shaving
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
i am positive it's ok to drink. it's just pieces of the plastic knife i forgot was in the blender.
Granted I did fall into a pond wearing your dress, but I did save a frog in the process so I think it was worth it.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
Do you think he feels stupid trying to bang girls with his small penis? I'd be embarrassed.
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
My tinder date had to be home by 8:30 cause she's on house arrest.
I'm owning this being a social human being thing tonight!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I’m glad they have a happy marriage but why do they have to inflict it on the rest of us?
I’m going to give his broken heart CPR with my vagina
Randomize
