there is a ziplock bag over sangria in a wineglass in the fridge...classy?
my grandma was just praying before dinner, and before she could finish my gpa lifted his glass and said 'and here's to avatar!'
1. I feel like Jello 2. The girl i hooked up with last night isn't here and a different girl is lying next to me. 3. I have no clothes on 4. Can guys go on walks of shame?
What happened?....
He lifted up the blanket, and whispered "Don't do it" to his sperm....
drunk lawn darts. Let's test the homeowners policy
Cancel that soberness update. I just almost fell down in the security line
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
U have to come, I miss the sound of you throwing up.
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
Yeah I had this grand plan to bring flaming dr pepper shots to some girls and say "these shots are hot, but not as hot as you" but instead I lit the bar on fire
So is there a reason your dad is passed out naked in my shower? P.S. Congrats on the family dong.
I didn't get it..
I'm sorry. But to the original question please.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I just spent the last three days trying to hook up with a dude for his pool privileges
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
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