Your roommate was biting my friend last night. It was weird.
just got my girl scout cookies. wanna get high?
The little penguins are speaking with a hispanic accent. I dont know how to feel about it. Geographically speaking, this cant be possibly. This isnt cool.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
You can buy vodka at target here.. Maybe Missouri isn't so bad after all
The only thing that was weird was that it WASN'T weird when she got out of the shower and saw me blowing him.
New low, passed out while taking a shit for an hour with my parents home, suprised they didnt notice
He's bought his dick a cell phone. A cell phone. For his dick...
He gave me the number and told me that I if I want to hook up again, I have to call his penis.
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
Do you think we could brew coffee with beer? I'm thinking a hazelnut Guinnesspresso can only end with pure awesome.
Like when I see him I look straight through his appearance and just envision a big walking penis.
I climbed up on the tank of the toilet so I could take a slo-mo vid of myself pissing into the garbage can, but the base of the toilet shattered and I had to bail.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
How did the surgery go?
My face feels like a marshmallow.
I’m sorry I pressured you for dick pics.
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