You gave him head? He fingered you? A little bit of make out?
WHAT THE FUCK ITS LIKE YOU WERE THERE
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
she'd have to be at LEAST a cup size bigger for me to even consider putting up with her voice
i just discovered how you can fold down the cardboard sleeve on a hot pocket. Life just got a whole lot easier.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
These guys are walking up and down the hallway yelling, "Yo, is this the floor with the unisex bathroom?"
ARE YOU ALIVE? usually when i say lets start drinking at inappropriate times you come right over. im worried
He taped the number 420 over all of his clocks
I'm a big fan of your penis but I will not sit through an animated movie dedicated to it.
I had such a pleasant walk of shame. The sun was shining, I smiled at all the high school suckers who judged me on their way to school, and I made friends with an old guy and his dog.
Used my phone to vibrate 'eye of the tiger'. It's like Rocky is punching my nuts, but gently.
No one ever gets any after sleeping with her. She is like the broken mirror of hookups, enjoy 7 years of blue ball. Don't say I didn't warn you
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
I mean, he'll either figure it the fuck out or set my apartment on fire. Either way, it will be entertaining.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
