My family is watching Intervention and taking notes. I need to leave NOW!
everyone knows he gets back in a week and after that i'm not sleeping around anymore. it's like i have a expiration date.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
masturbating while the coffee brews is the new power nap
In hindsight, the torn ligament in my knee is probably the fault of the ginbucket and jager bombs starting at 3pm. I guess I'll stop blaming it on you.
Tomorrow night wont work for me. I'm talking with Bryan about marriage and I dont want to have a shroom hangover.
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
TAKE ALL THE MAERHMALLOWS AND PUT THEM ALL IN THE MAGICAL NIGHTSTAND
We attempted to microwave fifteen corndogs in the microwave and may have ruined it. Also there were fake mustaches on all of his appliances...he said he doesn't like drunk me.
After we were done the second time she turned to me and called me a Hardcore Armadillo. Also, her O face involves crossed eyes. You tell me.
True enough. Do you ever think that these girls grandparents ghosts are watching you masterbate to their granddaughters and look at you in Shame?
Ever the responsible adult, I just realized that today is the Obamacare deadline, but I'm too high to handle insurance now.
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
I'm writing off my condom expenses in my taxes
So just spent 30 minutes of my life talking to my cousins friend who told me she buys cocaine from a pizza place by asking for extra Parmesan
Randomize
