One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
The more I look at him the more I wonder why anyone would ever want any of his features to be a part of their childs face.
Any day you don't mysteriously wake up in the garbage is a good day.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I may or may not have shit out a layer of my liver after that weekend.
No, I did not fuck him for football tickets. I fucked him for tickets to the superbowl. I'm not that much of a slut.
I was just sitting on the ground alone in fetal position shivering and chewing on my hand when she found me. ecstasy was not my best idea.
Made out with a chick in front of a girl I'm banging and successfully reDENNISed her within 9 hours
I just realized that I have to choose between a future orthopedic surgeon and a dude currently in jail. My life is so fucked.
he's like a horny 3rd grader on cocaine. he needs a leash
Call it slutty but I take pride in being a first round draft pick booty call. And I know I was first cause he texted me at 1030a
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
Randomize
