flash back: i gave smirnoff to a group of children at walmart
I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
It was incredible. For as long as I live, I will gladly drop whatever I'm doing and spend a night with her face between my legs ANY time she asks.
I am decidedly straight, but I'll write it into my wedding vows if I have to.
May or may not have just put tequila in my special "kids+" orange juice fortified with vitamins a, b, c, d, e, and now t.
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
She kept giving the uber driving directions and we all thought they were wrong so we'd send him the other way. Turns out she wasn't guiding us home, but to the half gallon that she hid in the bushes on the way to the bar.
I'm sorry you're hurting. Would a picture or my erect penis help?
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
there is another microwave in the elevator.
the weird part wasn't waking up in someone else's underwear, it was how the cat was staring at me like he knew more about last night then i remembered.
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