You know how I told you I don't have many naked pics? Apparently that changed last night.
His mom told be she once got turned down for playboy. 1 biggest mistake Hugh made. 2 is she hitting on me?
It feels like Jesus smacked me in the face with the new testament for drinking so much last night
He gave me the "I've pictured you while jerkin off" look
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
It hurts to peel the glue off my chest and i keep finding glitter in my hair.
I just wanted to decorate you...
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
It is such a beautiful day to not be arrested
I'm playing trivia and drinking margaritas so now is not a good time.
How proud should I be that I googled "dildo with wheels" and actually got the result I wanted?
After he finished, he fell on the floor and whispered "finally satisfied"
Randomize
