Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Maybe he just has a boisterous penis
So...it's hour 4 of day 5 of week 7 of my internship, and so far all ive done is shred paper. all. day. long. it's like working for Enron.
Okay, guy from work I want to fuck just told me he liked the font on my PowerPoint presentation. It is so on.
Make me proud, climb that corporate ladder.
On the bright side I got 500 American Express points paying for the abortion
Trying to convince my mother to let me take some of my sisters Lortab to sell is not going well
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
I think it's time for a new pick up line. So far my " hey you want to go back to my place, order a pizza and fuck?" Has set me at an all time low downtown 0/4
I just had my first lesbian experience. Out of spite.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
I someohow managed to lose my butt plug in tne midst of moving to B.C. and I am not a happy camper.
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
He pulled out a Plan B pill and handed it to me as I left like it was a party favor. God Bless America.
We walked into the RA's room and he said "is that alcohol" and I screamed "IT'S WATER" and ran out and Vanessa slammed the door and started making out with him.
Randomize
