): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
ok, im coming! i just found some lemon square in my bangs, washing that out..this shit is all over me! was i in a pie eating contest?
yes
did i win? did you like my outfit? or should i change, if you were horny would you bang me?
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
We are possibly on our way, unless we see the limo full of strippers.
Sometimes when I see a shoe on the side of the road, I get a little depressed that I've never partied that hard.
It wasn't until like 4 and when we got off the phone you said god was summoning you back into the bar
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
his version of basketball was throwing hot sauce packets down my cleavage at taco bell at 2 am with his buddy.the cashier kept score
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
If making out with three guys at once at a Kesha concert while simultaneously smearing glitter all over yourself doesn't convince her you're gay, nothing will
Had to snap chat three different people to ask who left the bite mark on my thigh. All three said "Wasn't me". Now I can't wear a bathing suit to my mom's pool.
Well I just had a flashback of something I did in the 4th grade. Now I can't go back to sleep.
I'll call you on my way home
Oh my god I'm going to die between now and then... can you at least tell me if y'all hooked up???
Well I told him I’ve got the flu....he said he’d wear a condom
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