and trust me i need no booty pop lessons
This guy sitting next to me just bought a plot of land off the internet. On a whim. In the middle of class
Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
how many beers do i need before it is acceptable to sleep with sam
enough that when i make fun of you for it tomorrow you wont even remember it happening
I'm pretty sure I have jizz on the back of the dress I wore to church. Awesome.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I feel like just to watch it, I need to be high. To understand it, I'd need enough drugs to kill an elephant.
Come over we're celebrating the one month anniversary of her first 4/20
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
she tied the funnel to the fucking ceiling...
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
just had sex in the back of my high school auditorium #dreamcumtrue
the cop asked if i was drunk and i responded with "breathalize me, cap'n". incidentally, he was a captain and i blew a .13.
Oh, did your mom say anything else about my butt?
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
