Ambien. No doubt about it.
My bed smells like naked
Haha. At least it doesn't smell like herpes
if it were possible I'd exchange my vagina for a diff one on the black market.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
We are sitting here staring into each others eyes, mutually rubbing forks up and down our respective noses. High as balls doesn't even begin to cover it.
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
We're ordering chinese food so if you want to get on this obesity train answer me now.
its 3am and I'm taking a bubble bath, this is what taking a day off work at 30 looks like
The guys who program Autocorrect have never seen a vagina in person
Ugh, once again I had to block the view of him peeing off the hotel bar balcony, I earned those free drinks!
she's p upset bro
Where is he. I have a sword.
maybe you met your husband and you just don't know it yet
and other hilarious jokes you can tell yourself
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