it took everything i had not to yell out "your name means death in german!"
im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
I decided to name my penis gatorade...is it in you?
Dude, you posted a cap of a porn to survey if it looked like me. That's pretty certifiably creepy.
I just saw someone marching around outside wearing only a loincloth, dragging a fuckton of sheet metal. Spring has Sprung.
I just delivered a ham and cheese to a strip club. you were right this job is not that bad
Or they can chase TEQUILA shots with it. I don't know why my phone capitalizes TEQUILA.
I'm about to initiate a game of drunk UNO.
Drunk UNO has officially been banned from now until forever.
So what's today's forecast for the female rollercoaster you've been riding?
I swear to god there was like a 2-second timespan in which he went from laughing to coughing, hiccuping, and subsequently projectile vomiting into the grass. There is literally a line in the grass, about 2 yards long, of his puke. It was more impressive than disgusting to be honest. And then he just shrugged and said "I have no idea where that came from."
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
We were sad, then we got horny, and then we needed some ranch
EW HE LOOKS LIKE SOMEONE'S DAD
I've amended my previous statement: I'm not allowed to put in my two weeks till I ask out the waitress. Now I have motivation on two levels
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
Randomize
