thus making me awesome and them whores
That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
so what if he's got a new girlfriend. the guy i'm fucking has an english accent. i win.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
Is it bad to go up to the security desk and ask them for the name of the guy I signed in last night? I have absolutley no clue
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
If the Cards come back I will fly to St Louis and shit in a very public place.
Pro: She likes to masturbate to 50 shades of grey. Con: She reads 50 Shades of grey non-ironically.
Dude we gotta go back to your cabin. left glenn. he's calling me crying and still drunk
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
My boyfriend's mom is the manager of Wendy's. The same one I took a pregnancy test in.
honestly, fuck you guys. i'm gonna get drunk by myself
Randomize