either fucking kiss her or kick her ass to the curb. Either way I can hear everything you are saying
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
I have bruises on the inside of my thighs from sliding down the stair case...thanks for encouraging that slut show
Immediate regret. She's like a chihuahua on crack.
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
I just found out who gave her jelly shots. You owe me a new mattress.
I had the most traumatic dream I've ever had just now. I ripped my dick off because a girl asked me to and spent the rest of the dream crying about my dick
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Thanks for being my pregnancy scare Sherpa...
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I had to google some of the kinky sex shit she was telling me she was into.
If that is not a reason to propose to her then I don't know what is
I went to a party last night....I stole all of their ornaments and the toaster oven.
Randomize
