just got pizza delivered to the hot tub. its easier than i thought to be this lazy
it feels like my vag is blowing bubbles
he kept whispering yes yes yes yes the entire 15 minutes. i almost wish it was a quickie.
he called you a drunk bob the builder and you proceeded to explain how you were going to build ramps throughout the house
it was like getting a handjob from robocop
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Well you finally jumped into that tree you've always wanted into and some girl gave you an 8.5. You were very happy.
I'm so high that I'm intently watching my neighbor move his car back and forth in order to put his motorcycle in the garage, and getting irritated that it seems so complicated.
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
I changed his contact info to "NO" and a picture of satan
If it exists, I've probably pregamed it.
Sitting in a waiting room with 15 children has me contemplating if I ever want to have sex again...
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
Randomize
