its like he missed a chap in the "being a guy" handbook and read the bible instead
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
You were in my dream and you got the lyrics to lollipop tattooed on your chest. Don't get it, it wasnt that cool.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Dangr zzzzzzzzone
I fcuked ip.
Is this your way of telling me that you got drunk in your office before meeting with your dissertation advisor again? Or that you finally banged that freshman fraternity pledge?
I have vodka soaked strawberries. My latest tarot card reading hinted at a lesbian/bisexual coming out. I doubt I survive the night.
I smell like icyhot and vodka... Heres to my pulled tendon.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
You continued to run around saying "free the nipple" while "taste testing" every liquor on the premises.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
2015 is a year for health and mental stability and alas we are not yet there so yolo
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