too bad you live with your parents still
can you wear a superman outfit if we ever have sex?
in the car goin home for fam dinner and he is silent... i think he realized how big of a whore his little sister is
i tried to get you to come inside, but you insisted on throwing up in the flowers "because they're pretty."
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
I spent all night sexting your girlfriend for you because you were too drunk. You're welcome.
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
He referred to his cock as "The cock" like it was third party or something.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
I want a burrito.
Truly, you are the voice of a generation.
Oh no, we smoked the revival weed. It came in a Batman bag. It hit like justice. And orphans.
Do you ever wonder what the men who we shamelessly objectify would think if they saw our texts in regard to them?
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
I think I fucked the doubts about us out of him
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
