He wore homemade jorts on our first date. I'm not sure if I should leave now or embrace the white trash lust and marry him
he'll be my respectable boyfriend for tksgiving and i'll be his non-slutty girlfriend for christmas.
and then ....
he stays my gay friend and my parents think i'm not a slut.
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
It went alright, nothing too special, just got threatened with a knife by our server.
He titled his birthday party on facebook, "BJ's in PJ's- an adult slumber party." I'm the only one invited.
dude a monday night stripper made you motorboat her. you should get that checked out
Your cock is gonna weep like a baby
I AM NOT THE MAN IN THIS RELATIONSHIP.
It's shit like this that makes people think we're gay.
If I end up in a healthy relationship because of this, I will NEVER forgive you!!!
A sexy devil squat down and peed in front of Tom Hanks from Castaway.
I was just thinking about if my bath water turned to jello and got a little freaked out
I have need of you to return home with haste, as I require the magical capsules you possess to relieve the posterior pain I am living. I battle this demon with stubborn grit, however I feel that defeat is on the horizon.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I'm completely creeped out. He's dressed as me. And thinks it's funny.
Randomize
