I want to be a jewelry store heckler. "Hey man, is she really worth it"
Well, technically I had a shirt on, it was just around my waist.
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
i was trying to give him roadhead and my tits kept knocking his cheap shifter into neutral...was the first time my tits have ever cock blocked me
he's drinking at 8 in the morning. it's going to be one of those "or else the terrorists have won" kinda days
I'm gonna have sex with a woman...help
Is it too much to ask that he stop calling me 'titty fuck' in public?
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I hid a girl's boot last night so I could ransom it back this morning via the "blowjobs for boots" program.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
We got really stoned and then we fucked. Then he made me a panini.
Oooh, he sounds pretty classy
Actually, not at all. We were stoned so he made me a peanut butter panini. With a Rollo in the middle of it. And he left the panini press on all night. I could have died.
Reasons I shouldn't drink... My twitter drafts keep getting more and more emotional.
HE HAS CHALLENGED MY BADNESS. I MUST CONQUER ALL THAT QUESTIONS MY POWER. BRING FORTH THE TIT PICS.
I can get something to clone your cock for $40. It's worth it. It's my birthday present to myself.
OMG I CAN GET A GLOW-IN-THE-DARK ONE
I stared at his dick and then told him to get on his knees
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