At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
..and then spiked the maple syrup at iHop
Today I learned you can't titshake with a corset on.
the easter KEGG...out of a drunken typo there arose a new and spectacular holiday tradition
Well, I looked over and you and him were each making out with a fireman. And then you switched. And you probably spent an hour like that.
The bruises are from paintball. The money is from me being awesome
The next time you try to involve a tickle me Elmo in my orgasm, I'm leaving you
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I will be there. invited or not. I go where the pancakes go.
Of course I have a pirate flag
I just forgot I was standing up.
My ex's new gf is pregnant and he is sterile, so 2016 is starting off well.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
Randomize
