the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
she is using a fork to eat popcorn and refuses to drink gatorade out of anything but a margarita glass... did i mention the popcorn is on a plate?
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
I'm starting to think you fell asleep on your kitchen floor pantless with salsa spilt around you
Also my vagina isn't a crater of death where nothing comes out
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
Welcome to stoned Saturday. Full of laser tag and beyonce and awesome
Everything was cool till you started pissing while standing at the bar
I've finally done it, I've downloaded some messenger lesbians like to use because some girl wanted to flirt.
Congrats, you're all grown up now.
I FEEL LIKE A GAY BUTTERFLY
Do you remember whose house we're in?
He ripped my sink off my bathroom wall and then threw up in it.
It's beautiful and huge. Like a dinosaur.
You know that gay bartender? Not as gay as we thought.....
good news, i've got tacos. bad news, kevin's in the ER. more good news, the tacos were free.
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