Pregnant stripper...not hot.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
Adams eating in the shower, he says it's one of his favorite places to eat. Btw it's milanos he's eating, he says he loves italy too.
just tripped. bootyfest 2012 will be my engagement party. i saw the whole future. i'm moving to the beach.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I just had sex over my oven then high fived the guy. It's going to be a good year.
Who showers for four hours?!
It was like a tropical nap.
If you've never been pounded by an Eastern European body builder, I would highly recommend it.
I'm happy in my shell. My shell which consists of keeping guys in the friend zone and me masturbating...
Oh my fucking god that cat looks just like you after you accidentally took Ketamine
Date with Air Force guy was nice btw. And for my next trick I'll talk him into fucking me in his fighter jet at 30,000 ft.
You left your phone here
Wait...
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