Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
Telling me that I would make a great "occasional fuck" was not appreciated.
I was naked with an australian flag taped to my boobs. Damn internationals think they can claim everything.
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
Just re-gained consciousness in the freshman girls dorm. Normally this would be awesome but I'm on the floor surrounded by chicks doing their homework. This makes me uncomfortable but I don't think they know I'm awake yet. If I b-line for the door can you come get me?
You blackout rapped the entire DMX song Party Up last night at karaoke without looking at the screen. Then you Tebowed on stage, hugged a black guy, puked in a garbage can, then left. You deserve a medal.
when i saw his roomate the next night he kept openly referring to me as "the girl who orgasms loud" when he would try to get my attention
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Yeah, you went up to him and said "I stare at people until they feel obligated to talk to me."
The only thing i ask you for is vegan food and sex.
there is such a gross feeling of satisfaction when the married guy i used to hook up with likes my facebook status.
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
