its sad that the first thing i assume is that ur trying to indirectly tell me you fucked on a breakfast table
by asking you if you bought one for the apartment?
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I've never seen anyone write a check for a bar tab before
we have 69 mutual friends...i have to add her
You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
Disregard that. She just puked into her boot and started screaming.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
Am I allowed to compare getting cum'd on the face to a warm summer rain?
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I'm so confused as to where the sexual euphemisms end and the drinking starts
If the smell of things stopped me from putting things in my mouth. I wouldn't be popular with Grindr guys.
just found the "let's take a picture before we do these roommates" before picture
thank god there was never an after picture.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
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