Fuck. I have a girl here waiting on me in my room! I told her I was going to get a drink of water... I'm in the bathroom taking a dump... I have mudd butt bad... There's NO toilet paper!!
It's sad how good I am at giving people diseases
I was high enough to think that mac-n-cheese w/ ketchup, tortilla chips w/ ketchup, and milk was a fancy dinner
Can we please just celebrate being alive this far into the school year and just get drunk?
sooo....i just remembered that someone fed me a pretzel out of their purse at the bar last night.
I used the lotion his mom gave me for christmas to give him a hand job. It felt so wrong.
Driving a mountain pass in the middle of a blizzard with the worst vodka gummybear hangover ever is gods way of telling me to keep the black-outing within a 15 mile radius to my house.
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
And now I'm drinking leftover wine in the grad lounge because fuck my life
After my lunch today, I've got $10 till Sunday night. I am losing at life.
Hyyypothetically, what would you do if you happened to see my boobs on the internet?
Are you texting, crying and driving?
And missing part of my eyebrow. Correct that is the description one would give of me at the moment.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
While having sex, a German accent isn't sexy.
"The More You Know"
Randomize
