dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
you used progresso chicken soup as a mixer last night
sitting in class between the roommates of the two girls i fucked over break. this feels like a bad version of wife swap
Her friend drew me a diagram of how we could get away with her giving me a blowjob at work.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
It only takes one line of cocaine, and you try to shotput a fucking kitchen table
Why are there four guys spooning on the living room floor?
They're still there? Shit. They were supposed to leave after they hugged it out.
Still, being medically ordered to stuff things in your vagina is amazing.
If you don't sing 'dust in the wind' at my funeral, I'll haunt you forever
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
