i woke up with socks on this morning
so?
i didnt wear socks last night
Seriously, stop peeing all over the toilet seat. It looks like movie theatre butter.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
We were just about to get down to business and shes like oh the olympics! and jumped up and turned on the tv. cockblocked by freestyle skiing. seriously?
Who won mens moguls?
That canadian guy... bilodeau... but you're missing the point, dude.
A 20 minute car ride back to your car with the girl u had drunk anal with is the most uncomfortable thing ever.
I felt like a fire hydrant the vomit just kept coming out
I'd like to come home and be able to sleep in a bed that's not filled with crumbs from you getting too high and passing out while eating. This is seriously getting ridiculous.
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
Mom got high last night and started crying because she feels bad for Paula Deen. This is my family.
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
My mom is dancing slutty on the bar I need more drinks to be ok with this
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
Randomize
