i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
Dude, I couldnt get it up cause she said her parents were home...
ok, come over...I have doritos
apparently i tried to put my coat in the microwave.
It's American, baby! There ain't nothin gross about America.
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
What did you even date her?
because emotionally unstable girls are great in bed.
Disney World has no open container laws. Ohmygod this place is even cooler than it was when I was ten.
I decided that I do the same thing when i'm drunk with every guy who has a girlfriend...lecture them on how bad cheating is, then hook up with them. I'm like good cop, bad cop.
she got the salsa and pickles out of the fridge looked at me and said what can i make with this
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
It's not an office Christmas party until your boss confesses his undying love for your boyfriend...
After he finished he sang his college fight song like it was some victory
wow. there is a man who hates the post office more than me. he is causing a scene, this is a snapshot of elderly me.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
Well, at least you look pretty when you're disgusted
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