Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
I was thinking about texting her and telling her I had syphilis when I was with her and that she should get tested. just for shits and giggles. skank dahaha
tell me how a rose bowl party involves waking up to find a raccoon in my kitchen cabinet eating my oreos the next morning?
Wow. Thanks for becoming another fan of something on Facebook. You make me want to gouge my eyes out.
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
going to class with no bra.. is that saying "i don't give a fuck i'm one hour away from thanksgiving break?"
drunk taco night MLK would want it this way.
thanks for being the calm eye of my shit storm.
Fuck at this point id do just about anything for 20 bucks
That has been your downfall in past encounters with 20 dollars bills
She was humming during sex. After I asked her why, she said it was her sex theme music
which guy lost his keys in my bed this weekend?
There's some band that practices next door to my apartment. I'm thinking we may need to check that out. I could be like, "Hey boys, thought you might like some lemonade and vagina."
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
BITCH I AM EXPERIENCING THE FEMININE MYSTERY SHUT UP AND GIVE ME DRUGS
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Randomize
