Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
The line was so long at Kum n Go some guy opened & drank 2 beers from his 12 pack while waiting.
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
Registered sex offender is the model in class today.... There are too many things wrong with him getting naked in front of a lot of college students.
The best thing about my promotion is that I now have an office with a door. I can take my naps in peace instead of leaning my head against the stall in the bathroom.
I can't believe they pay you six figures. I hate you.
Ran into my neighbor that's always crying. I wonder if she's like; "I ran into my neighbor who's always playing with her vibrator?"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Vegas is great, yelled at a guy 4 lanes over if he wanted a bj. ended up having sex in a vacant lot. I think he was homeless.
I fell asleep on the floor again. i dont want help, just a pillow. its kind of nice down here.
I can't remember much from that party after we snapchatted my dancing boobs to all of her contacts
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
My mom just walked in on me naked taking a shit and packing a bowl...the only comment she makes is, she wants her Tupperware back after my pot's out of it. Best mom ever.
Woke up this morning with girl, I ask her for some gum. She says "there's a guest toothbrush for the boys in my bathroom". I can't decide whats worse, that she has a shack brush or that I actually used it
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
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