Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
As we walked into his room, he said welcome to the hurt locker. I should have left, but I love that movie.
I don't know which is a more impressive stolen object. The couch from a sheer logistical viewpoint, or the parking meter because i'm pretty sure that's a federal offence.
Dude I'm looking through my old high school year book and I circled every girl I fucked.. what was wrong with me.
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
yeah that's what i said...you fucked him and peed on his comforter
yeah well...Like any great yacht, I leave a wake
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
He expects to fuck my tits but will ignore me in public.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Milk that cash cow for all the shots she's worth
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
Apparently mr clean magic erasers don't clean blood off the ceiling
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
I'm glad you enjoyed the night but why were you calling me "daddy"?
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
Randomize
