Phrase i just heard while watching the U.S. open: "Boy they have really trimmed it well, this has got to be the tightest hole in the Open."
Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
he asked me what things i liked that he did in bed, and i told him all the things i hated so he would use it on that new bitch and she wouldnt hook up with him anymore.
you for real need to get over him dude
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
so i havent checked yet but im almost positive that my left ass cheek is bruised. any idea what happened last night.
what the fuck man? i was JUST texting you the same thing. FUCK
Don't you hate it when all three people suddenly sober up in the middle of a threesome. Awwwwkward.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
my step dad just called me a drunken slut..someone in my family finally understands me
Also, I had a dream I had a ray gun and woke up holding my dick.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
we should look into getting a golf cart for the weekend. i have a feeling legs wont be a sufficient source of transportation.
This is like the best thing that's ever happened to us. We're getting paid to sit around get high and eat. There is a Jesus
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
My apartment is also really close to an alcohol rehab in case I get out of hand
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