oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
drinking warm bud heavies i found in the garage and googling how to tell the gosselin kids apart.
I sold 10 pepperonis for 5 dollars last night....i fucking love drunk people
I woke up hungover and opened my laptop to find that i had googled alcoholism again
He was taking the caps off the vodka bottles and throwing them out the window so we'd have to finish them. Engineers have the best logic.
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
i remember you telling me to take a shower, brush my teeth, go get back in bed w her, and "just do what i was born to do." and as soon as i stopped yacking i did just that. you saved my birthday.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
I remember nothing except the fact it happened and I ate doritos and we highfived a lot
if i can hear my landlord's phone ring you think be can hear my vibrator?
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
If he gets me coffee, cold or no I'll make him see Jesus with my mouth.
Also, you fell asleep with you hand on and around my cock last night.
Randomize
