I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Just got my econometrics book in the mail and started flipping through it. Our Thursday parties may turn into u convincing me not to kill myself.
I tipped the hot bartender my entire wallet. Again.
I respect you for how well you shave your vagina. It isn't easy and my dick faces out, not in.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Its a good night to get drunk in my onesie.
No, man, we stole the housekeeper's key and we're just going room to room raiding mini fridges. Hurry
Logan has the vodka and snickers. We're making a run for it. Room 302
You called me at 3 am and I rode my flat ass bike that I dug out of my garage in the dark to meet you at dunkin donuts for a 10 minute convo about your mother and you didn't drive me home.
you owe me a blunt and a bottle of moscato.
IM WAITING BITCH. ANSWER ME.
I swear every time I see him he's either dancing or trying to touch people
I woke up with a dread of barbecue sauce in my hair. Drunk munchies makes me a disgusting person.
I can't tell if you're talking about my pussy or Cape Cod.
I love you. Go after that dick
Hopefully he gets to dig deep into my body, before he digs deep into my past ..
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
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