nosebleed girl is getting lots of praise
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
Joe is yelling at the trees again.
Can't wait to go see my drug dealers baby being born. He rolled all of the "it's a boy" cigars into blunts.
OMG A WOMANS PROSTETIC ARM JUST FELL OFF AT BAGGAGE CLAIM
I'm sober enough to realize she looks like a man, but drunk enough to do it anyways
I am as serious as getting herpes in Mexico...
What do herpes have to do with anything?
Apparently we were just playing "bang a bridesmaid". I'm not sure if I won or lost...
If I could drive and get you Starbucks I would... But that's probably not a good idea. On account of the drugs.
the best part was at the strip club when he said he was "here to pick up my wife. she's up on stage.....wait that's my aunt". only in Ottawa.
I think I caught your cold through my vagina. It was worth it.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
Went up to some dude that hit on Laura and told him he has a voice like a grandma. Apparently didnt have muscles or kindness like grandma so can you pick me up at the ER please?
RAAAAAAAAWWWWRRRRRR
THATS ME HOWLING MY ENJOYMENT OF THE THINGS WE CAN DO WHILE GETTING DRUNK
i havent showered for 4 days and i just made my dog smell my arm pit. also, im stoned.
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