she just waddled down the stairs behind me and puked and kind of reached for me but i sped up. does that make me a bad person?
My New Years Resolution was to get a girl I dont know pregnant. 8 months later I can check that off the list..
the guy that filmed erin andrews naked got 27 months in jail. Every man that's seen it should send him cigs and a nail file baked in a cake. We owe it to him.
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
Of course I will... FYI I just gave my balls a crew cut.
I found my spirit animal in the shower. It's a sloth/bear that lives in my chest.
I need two food groups: booze and turkey sandwiches
I may have taken the entire adderall. I FEEL LIKE THE FUCKIN HULK. I can't stop cleaning and organizing and doing the clean things
where are you?
two trains and a bus walk of shame. so not worth it.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
