I walked downstairs and there were 50 sorority girls. I wasn't expecting an audience during my walk of shame.
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
Vodka infused whipped cream. Shit just got real.
I really like you, but I want to get to know you on a time when I am not at drugs.
I feel like my lungs want to punch me in the vagina.
is that even a sentence?
we went 3 years between hookups and she got a lot better. Amanda's moving way up the booty call pecking order.
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
1) I'm a decent drunk texter. 2) My world is spinning. 3) I'll give you a dollar and a hug for a glass of water. 4) I love you. 5) Example: your penatrive ways are overwhelming my alternative lyfestyle. 6) That is all.
7) Noodle arms: engage
The example was me just using big words while hammered. You're welcome. Ambidextrious. I spelled it right.
but real talk, he made 1 phone call last night and had someone bring us tacos at 3am so idk I might be inlove
All I remember about last st pattys day was I was in a bathtub with full bubbles, fully clothed, drinking out of a flamingo lawn ornament that someone cut a hole in.
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
I woke up with clothes on this morning and I'm pretty sure you had something to do with that. Thank you.
Caitlin, you were laying in your bed feeding your dog ritz chips and singing a whole new world at 4am loud enough your neighbors came over an asked you to stop.
I love my life
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
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