He went soft
Wait. During?
Yeah, he was IN. MY. MOUTH.
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I wish you would just come have sex with me in ihop. I don't want to be here
Its all fun and games until someone grabs the electrical fence.
How many times do I have to drunk reject you for our friendship to become awkward? Cause were at 9 as of last night
my dad is now demonstrating how to start a fire with a tampon. happy fucking new year!
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
I just shaved my pubes into a heart shape. if that doesn't scream romantic idk what does
Today one of my patients offered me pot brownies. Medical school worth it. Living the dream.
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
I can't believe you tried to cock block me from A DIFFERENT TIME ZONE.
My boss and I ended up at the same strip club. We both got lap dances while talking about work.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Randomize
