a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
we went to the store to buy cookie dough and conditionally went straight towards the booze
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
I will never get the visual of you crying while chewing christmas lights out of my head
my mom sold the house because of the grow room the couple saw i had in the basement.
Fair warning: We've transformed the living room into a giant tent.
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
Yea we had fun. Lost my wallet some girl has it. Sarah fell asleep in a cab and ended up at some wawa. It was cray. She's home now
Totally just railed SuperGirl for my birthday. Best Girlfriend EVER!
Sorry about my life...
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
Riddle me this: How does one check in at the Marriott, but wake up at the W?
Annoying and petty is the name of the game and I'm the MVP.
Uhmmmm is there really any way to tactfully ask "you into me jerking you off with my feet... or nah" cause if you find one let me know 😂
I almost just opened my door to get my pizza butt ass naked
Randomize
