no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
I'm at the grocery store, it's 10 am and the woman in front of me just bought 3 boxes of wine. She turned around and told me not to be afraid
so i finally decided to ask her out. she started mumbling, then she puked on me. i think i'll try again when she's sober
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
i will see naked twins by the end of the night. that's all i know
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
I have her designated blowjob hair tie on my wrist. It's like a key to eternal happiness
well in the interest of full disclosure I have been using a used kfc spork as a buttscratcher for a month
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
I ACCIDENTALLY HOOKED UP WITH A GUY WHO HAS A NICHOLAS CAGE POSTER ABOVE HIS BED I CANT HANDLE LIFE.
The universe is either telling you 1. you make terrible decisions or 2. its time to let go of your hatred of Cage.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
I banged a guy named Robbie last night and in the middle of sex he begged me to scream santos. I'm pretty sure I just screwed a dude with multiple personalities.
This is random but I just wanted to thank you for all the things you taught me sexually in life.
Randomize
